Practical Uses for Impractical Shoes


It was love at first sight. I had never felt this way before, my heart skipped as I traced the hard outline with my finger. It was rough and beautiful all at the same time, and when I took it in my hand, I knew it had to be mine forever. It was – a 5″ platform, glitter stiletto. (where was your mind just then? Dirty!)

I first saw the fabulousness that is now affectionately known as my Glitter Tranny Shoes, I knew I wanted them. I don’t normally covet things in such a manner, but those, oh hell yes I did! I was at Kohl’s shopping with my friend Nicki for some boots for her, when I saw the heels isle. I had to check it out. I tried them on while wearing my fuzzy pink socks and have never felt more fierce! Or tall! Me being the klutzy goofball we all know and love, stood in them long enough for a photo-op – and then put them back. The were. impractica$@%^ sorry, I died a little there when I said that word.  I don’t know at what point in my life I was forced to grow up and acknowledge that glittery shoes that I can’t walk in are something I should not own… but I don’t like that particular point in history. So, I put them back on the shelf and carried on about the rest of my night (texting, Facebooking and all around fixating on those shoes). Over the next week or so, not only did I show the photo to everyone who would look & talk about them non stop – I also visited them every time I was near a Kohls!

This past weekend, my mom and  I were shopping and I was visiting them at Kohls (again).  I was even able to muster a enough steps to admire them in a mirror! That’s when my mommy said “Why don’t you just buy them as a ‘new job gift to yourself’ and shut up about them!” BRILLIANT! I took them home that very day. 

As I will most likely never be able to wear them anyplace  I have to walk (or stand) I have made a list of uses for the Glitter Tranny Shoes to further validate my purchase!

  • Disco/Mirror ball enhancers
  • Help short people’s feet  reach the floor at restaurants
  • Defense against muggers, zombies, pirates and other such monstrous villainy*
  • Doggy butt scratchers
  • Lawn aeration
  • Walking the dog or taking out the trash in style
  • Wear on those days when you just have “That not-so-fierce feeling”
  • Brightening up the “Web Cave”

*Safety note – do not wear GTS to run away from such marauders as you will only sprain your ankle allowing them to get you!

What have I missed? If you have ideas on other uses for the GTS… post them here – I would LOVE to hear them 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving!

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